To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters
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#1: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: bigconn, Location: Gastonia, North Carolina PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:56 pm
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As Silent Wolf approaches Parenthood I thought I would dig up an old reference I used when my daughter was 16 and began dating.  My mistake was the reading and comprehension level of her "date".  Better luck to the current generation of Fathers!

Ten Simple Rules for Dating my Daughter

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car--there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face watching you from the window is mine.


Congratulations to all the new Dads and good luck!
#2: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Windrider, Location: Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:56 am
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HILLARIOUS!!!!!
#3: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Silent_Wolf, Location: Loveland, Colorado PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 1:53 pm
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These are the ten commandments of the new age.  

These commandments are just that, commands NOT suggestions.

Prerequisites: To ensure full understanding of these rules, they will be tattooed to your chest.

Last item will be branded, not tattoed and its  states:

My daughter's father has gun, shovels  and lives next to a national forest with tons of places to hide............
#4: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Scatters, Location: Sydney/ Australia PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 4:08 pm
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Oh! The fathers code. We all have one for our daughters. yeah. Mine was I would tell the boy that I require a $50.00 deposit. Redeemable when you brought her home on time and safe. A lot of money to the youngsters.
#5: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: DiggerBaz, Location: Melbourne / Australia PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 7:52 pm
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Bigconn, That had me in stitches! I couldn't stop chuckling. My daughter is 16 almost 17. I am going to cut and paste the Father's Code and hand it to her. ROFL
#6: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Dusty, Location: Thu Deep South, Baby. PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 8:41 pm
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Pure Gold, Bigconn!
LOL Smile
#7: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Firecrackr1, Location: Haddon Twp. NJ PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 1:38 am
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Excellent! I basically gave my son-in-law the same rules....he's now my EX son-in-law.
#8: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Silent_Wolf, Location: Loveland, Colorado PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:34 pm
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Ready or not, here comes the cuteness.

#9: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: UchiMata, Location: Northampton, UK PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:45 pm
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Congrats to you and your wife. Baby looks like she's resting up and will be the boss of you! Wink
#10: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: LADYHAWK,  PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:15 am
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aaawweeeeee! congrats wolf......such a bundle of cuteness Smile
#11: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Firecrackr1, Location: Haddon Twp. NJ PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 1:37 am
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Congrats Silent! She's adorable!
#12: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: BlueTraveler, Location: Myersville, MD PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 2:54 am
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Awesome!!  Welcome to the club!  I hope mommy and baby are doing well...and daddy too.
#13: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: TwoFour, Location: Owen Sound, Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:30 am
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Olivia is Beautiful...Well done Mr & Mrs SilentWolf!!!

TwoFour
#14: Re: To: Silent Wolf and all fathers with daughters Author: Tipster, Location: Chilliwack B.C. PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:24 pm
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Congrats to you and your wife.
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